It's a little odd to be using a technology that I don't completely understand. For instance, when I started this blog up again I thought I'd write a couple of entries, then let people know I was writing again. I was so surprised to start hearing from people. Someone emailed me and a copy of the "Accidental Pilgrim" was in the body of the email - that's when I realized that it was being sent out automatically to those who had signed up. Someday I might learn how to change the subject line of the emails so it doesn't continue to read "Camino..."
I remember when I was planning for the Camino and the first few days of walking; I was going to memorize some of the Psalms. Well, that required pulling my attention away from the walk itself and that wasn't working. I really wanted to be present to everything I was seeing, hearing, smelling, and feeling, as I walked.
It's different when you're sitting in one place. I do try to take the time to stare out the window. In the mornings I have some quiet time looking out our bedroom window at the garden - which is beautiful when it's covered with snow. But spending all day on the couch with my computer and books and the remotes does not lend itself to being present in the same way. Instead my presence is with the book I am reading, or the person who is visiting, or the program I'm watching or the music I'm listening to -- all happening from my same seat in the living room. So I continue to practice being present, even in these new circumstances.
Last Thursday night I had my first outing - to see the dress rehearsal for the Boar's Head Festival at our church (you can see pictures and a short video at the Trinity UMC website: http://trinityspringfield.org.) It was so great to get out! On Friday morning I had another outing - to see the orthopedic surgeon for a follow-up. Staples were taken out of incisions, a new, lighter splint was put on, swelling was down - all good things. We were talking, trying to get a better sense of how this recuperation would go. Finally I asked about a trip I was planning to New Orleans in March. I wanted to hear that my ankle might be painful as I worked at walking, but it would be fine to travel. What I was actually told was that yes, I could travel, if I didn't mind using the walker, or wheelchair, and or crutches. When I asked if I would be using these aids while walking on one foot or both the Dr. told me I'd still be on one foot. Ouch!! He went on to say it was more realistic that I'd start gradually putting weight on the ankle and walking again in during the month of April.
That was a setback! I felt the same fear I'd felt at the beginning of the Camino - what if I can't really do this? As we headed home my mind started working actively: you need to start exercising again, work on strength so you can get out more and get around more easily; plan some projects; start this, start that. Oh, my mind really misses its "to do" list. We came to an agreement (my mind and I) that there are some things I can do that will help with these next months, but by the time I got home, I knew there was one thing, just one thing I needed to do with this: take it to God. For God isn't looking at just the next 3 months, God knows my whole life. God isn't counting the days until I get around again, God is asking me to live fully in every day. God doesn't really care about my time "laid up" --God just cares about me "period". God isn't about chronological time, God is about creation, being, loving. The news from the Dr. reminded me that indeed I am on a pilgrimage. There will be obstacles, but each is an opportunity to return once more to God, to trust in God, to live more deeply in God's love.
So God - I'm in your hands. Help me to go deeper that I might see how to live more fully during this chapter of my life. And in going deeper, may I learn to reach farther as I learn more about myself, about the world and about You. Amen.
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